I've worked the last 6 out of 8 nights. I am exhausted. Sometimes when I get caught up in the daily drudge of my work and my life, I forget that every day I have a huge responsibility, and an amazing opportunity. To make a change. To love in a world that is often too busy to even smile. Nights like tonight remind me of this. Yesterday around 5am, I admitted a patient with asthma. Pretty routine for my unit. I spent a total of approximately 30 minutes interacting with her and her mother. Vitals, admission database, assessment, some snacks, and settled her into bed. I also chatted with her a little about my own experience with asthma. When I came back to work that night, my little patient had a huge grin on her face, and from behind her back, she presented me with this card. "I love you, you are cool." Children have a way of taking such simple words, and giving them immense meaning. I myself have always had trouble articulating what I mean (probably one of the reasons I became a nurse, no thesis!). This little girl is not only an inspiration of love for me, but an inspiration to use my words. To write. To speak up. Not to be afraid that I won't sound smart enough in this blog. She hardly knows me, and yet she loves me. Who has the courage to love like this? To take time, to make a little gift, to prove her affection.
Another patient I had was admitted for possible Kawasaki's. She was a wreck when I first took over her care. She had only been admitted a couple of hours before I started my shift, but was already heading downhill. Terrible rash all over her body, her hands and feet were swollen and turning purple due to poor perfusion, 40.0C fever, irritable and crying, and she did not want me to get within 5 feet of her, and God forbid if I had to take a blood pressure. IVIg was ordered, aspirin, tylenol, the whole routine. I spent the majority of the night in her room. In the morning, I gave report to the dayshift nurse, and headed home. When I came back that night, I swear she was transformed into a new woman! She was playing the the playroom, had eaten approximately 10 boxes of cheerios, drank caprisun after caprisun. She told me a story of talking to her brother on the phone, half of which I did not understand because of her toddler lisp, but it was entertaining nonetheless. Her parents thanked me profusely for caring for her. Even though the doctors call the shots and write the orders, I was the one in the room, loving her, caring for her, and bringing her more cheerios. And I know that those things make all the difference.
Last but not least! In fact, I almost took this little boy home with me this morning. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just witnessed the most beautiful child that God has ever created. Gorgeous, long eyelashes draping his grey eyes, and a smile that would melt even the Devil's heart. No joke, it took me less than 3 days, and I am totally and utterly in love. Anyway, this little babe has had an extensive medical history in his short months of life. Currently, he is doing well, except is having difficulty swallowing after being intubated, and has been aspirating some of his feeds. No one has been able to get him to take his formula + rice cereal mixture from a bottle. But also, no one has been picking him up, and holding him, and loving him, and taking him around the unit to keep him stimulated, and of course to meet the other staff! Baby took 3 out of his 5 bottles for me. He did so well tonight. He loved seeing the sights outside of his room, flirting with the other nurses, and learning how to keep his head held up (I call it his abs workout). I saw him laugh for the first time tonight.
Folks, I'm not saying that I am a miracle worker, that I can fix kids all on my own, or even that I am good at loving other people. But I have noticed a trend in my nursing care when it comes to interacting with other people. The more effort I put into caring about them and the more I show them my love, the deeper our connection becomes. It is something that is almost unexplainable. It is something that reaches my core. Maybe my soul? Something that I just know, and something that is deeper than just a feeling or emotion. I love these children. They have done nothing the earn it, nothing to coerce me, no one is bribing or threatening me. I guess this is what is meant by unconditional. I unconditionally love each one of them.
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